


The Ghost Of You

by cherri_cola (orphan_account)



Series: The Aftermath Of Losing Someone [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-War, Angst, Depression, Funeral, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2391890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cherri_cola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You are never coming home, never coming home."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghost Of You

it’s been a week since Levi got the news and he hasn’t gotten any better, he’s gotten worse, everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. He has to speak today, at the funeral, he has to say everything he ever felt about Eren in twenty to thirty minutes and that wasn’t fair to Eren. Because there was so much that could be said about Eren, so much that could be said yet, he couldn’t say it in that amount of time either. He buttons his shirt up, making sure that it’s clean with nothing on it, doing the same with everything else as he pulls it on, his neck’s exposed for once, Eren liked it when his neck was exposed, he never complained about the corvette though. He brushes his fingers through his hair, making sure he looks presentable as he walks out of the apartment, a sad expression on his face and his hands stuffed in his pocket.

 

*~*

 

When he arrives at the church he sees barely anyone there, him and a couple of Eren’s family members that he himself didn’t know. He sees people he doesn’t know and one person he does know, as well as the man who told him the news of Eren’s death. He slowly walks up to Armin, who smiles at him,

“Are you speaking today?” He asks timidly, being careful not to say the wrong thing, and Levi just nods his head in return, scared that if he even says a word, he’ll start to cry,

“You know, this is going to be really special, military funerals are amazing, they have a bugle player, and twenty one gun salute, folding of the flag and the flag presentation as well, then after that the speeches and the burial, the casket of course will be donned by the american flag, I know I seem enthusiastic, I’m just happy to see my friend getting such a good farewell from the world.” Levi smiles to himself, he remembers how much Eren wanted to give back, he remembers how Eren always used to talk about ending the war and bringing peace to the world. Eren deserved this, he deserved this as his last final goodbye, he sends a small good bye wave to Armin as he decides to walk into the church, passing the twenty five year old’s body, in the casket, he looked at peace, he looked happy, as if he was just sleeping, his eyes were closed as well. He wanted to shake the boy lightly and wake him up, wanted this all to be some horrifying dream, wanted this to be something that never happened. He notices everyone else coming into the small venue and goes to sit down in the front, tears already falling down his face. He’s sitting next to someone who looks like Eren, but longer hair, broader and more defined Jaw. Levi guessed he was related, he notices someone walking up the aisle between the pews in the church a bugle in his hand and sees the same blonde haired man who gave him the news standing there, he clears his throat into the small microphone, the chaplain sitting across from him in a rather large wooden chair,

“Now would you all please be quiet as we have a moment of silence for this man, lost in battle, someone who will always live on in our hearts.” And then the room is filled with the instrument’s noise for one minute. And one minute exactly. 

Then the priest leaves his chair and walks up, the man who was still nameless doing the same. After a blessing from the priest the man then speaks again, 

“Everyone, you may not know me but I am commander Erwin Smith, Eren Jaeger was apart of the 104th Military Squad, who are as we speak fighting for our country, his death and parting has fuelled them with confidence and anger, they’re taking more risks, they’re braver, everything they’re doing right now is somewhat influenced by this one 25 year old man, he was ranked as a sergeant and in death he was someone who we could never forget as an army officer. I am proud to have been able to work with him.” The man says with a singe tear falling down his cheek as everyone stands up and leaves the hall, when Levi walks past the coffin again, this time it’s closed, with the american flag draped over it, he’s never going to see Eren again, he’s never going to see his boyfriend again. He walks out and waits as he notices Armin and five others who he doesn’t know, take the coffin in their hands as they walk to the grave stone.

When Levi arrives and the coffin has been set down he notices the soldiers that had been carrying the coffin and Erwin get out their rifles, nothing having been said yet, the priest there with them as well, watching. Erwin gets out his rifle at his side and so do the ones with him, including Armin. They fire each and every one at the same time, Levi staring in awe, twenty one shots, twenty one shots to salute his partner. He feels tears pooling in his eyes as the salute finishes and the guns are slung around each person’s back again as they go back to where they were earlier. Levi’s vision becomes blotchy as he slowly starts cry as he hears the bugle again, playing a song that he recognises, he counts  it to go for approximately forty seconds or so then they start the folding of the flag, they fold it thirteen times, no more, no less and then ask Levi to come out of the crowd to which he does. 

 "This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service.” Levi nods his head and takes the flag, the soldiers leaving the front of the crowd and going to stand in the back, he realises that now’s the time he has to give his eulogy about his boyfriend and lays the flag carefully on the small podium in front of him as he reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out the folded piece of paper and lays it out in front of him as he starts to speak, 

“Eren Jaeger, how do I even begin to explain such an amazing person, he was someone who cared about anyone and everyone, he used his life to make a difference in the world and that makes me love him even more. I remember the first time I met Eren, it was autumn and the afternoon, I was at the park and the wind was blowing and he started  a conversation with me, neither of us knew what we were getting ourselves into, but that was the beauty of it, neither of us knew what we were doing. We just started off as friends, I found it a bit weird that he would come out of nowhere and introduce himself to me like that, but later I found out, that’s just what Eren does, it’s his personality. He was energetic, outgoing, a puppy, he was brave and courageous as well, courageous enough to risk his life for others. I only wish I could’ve had more time with him, I only wish I could’ve known him for longer. He was mine, and the only person left for me, and his family was dead, his mother and father killed, my mum and dad left me to fend for myself. We only had each other so we invested everything into each other, our love was something  different, I am more than his partner, I am more than his lover, I am his and he is mine, and I don’t care if you’re not listening, but god dammit I love you so much, and so does everyone else, in different ways, but we all miss you. I hope that you’re looking down on us, looking into our hearts, every single one of us and inspiring us to become braver in our own ways, stronger as well, I always said that it would be your bravery that killed you, and look at where we are now.” Levi finishes, tears slowly making their way down his face and landing on the piece of paper in front of him as he takes the carefully folded flag and paper off of the podium and walks back down to where he was standing and lets out a small sob as he sees the casket being lowered into the ground and then the dirt being thrown on top of it, he lets out a small cry as he thinks to himself, _This is it, this funeral is the last time I’ll see him._

*~*

Levi was back at the church where there were drinks and snacks, things like little cup cakes and music playing in the back ground consisting of songs by Mayday Parade, Green Day and other bands of the same genre, they were mainly quieter songs. He hears someone approaching him and turns around and sees two girls, a brown haired one and a blue eyed and blonde haired one, he just sighs as he takes a drink from his third glass of wine, 

“You spoke beautifully.” The blonde haired one offers and Levi nods his head, showing he acknowledged her comment, “I’m Historia, you must be Levi.” _No shit sherlock_ he thinks to himself remembering that they had introduced him to the group when it was his turn to speak. He smiles at the two girls standing in front of him, it was fake, that was all, nothing but a charade, everyone here was pulling one, trying not to concern others with the depression and sadness they felt about losing someone they know and love.

“I’m Ymir, you’re boyfriend and I knew each other, we met when we were in line to enrol, Historia and I enrolled to the airforce and he enrolled into the military.” She says gruffly and Levi smiles slightly, a real one, but still doesn’t say anything to the two girls who then just walk away from him, Levi stands up and goes to leave the small church, before he walks out the door he feels someone pull on the sleeve of his jacket and he turns around, his eyes meeting Erwin’s. 

“I’m sorry for your loss, Mr Ackerman, and I would just like to say, you’re speech was beautifully spoken.” Levi nods his head and then walks out of the church, down the stone pathway, weaving it’s way through the multiple graves and past grave stones. When he finally gets through the cemetery gates and into his car, he breaks down, every emotion flowing over him like it was a wave crashing into him at the beach, he cries and cries, he can’t stop, he drives like that, crying and depressed, grief washing over him, he can’t bring him back, he can’t bring his boyfriend back and that was the last time he would ever see or hear from Eren. Levi casts all thoughts of Eren fem his head and tries to keep his mind on the road in front of him, he can’t die, he can’t die, he needs to live, in the letter that he was given to from Eren, it said he had to keep living, he couldn’t do anything stupid. It’s weird how bad he wants to kill himself because he can’t stand the loss, he can’t stand losing his boyfriend, they were each others worlds, what is he going to do now that Eren’s gone? He parks in front of his apartment block and walks inside, going up the lift instead of the stairs, both emotionally and physically exhausted he thought that it’d be better to go up the lift. He’s singing quietly to himself and his eyes are glassy as well, he hears the lift ding and looks up and sees that it says level one, which is the level below where his own apartment is, he gets a sympathetic look from the ginger haired girl and she smiles sympathetically at him and he just looks at the ground, 

“You okay?” She asks quietly and Levi says nothing in return, “I’m Petra, and you are?” She says politely as the lift comes to a stop, and Levi says nothing as he walks out of the lift, not even giving Petra his name. 

As soon as he walks into his apartment, he takes his suit jacket off, he carefully places the flag on the mantelpiece with Eren’s photo, badges and letter. He goes into the kitchen and doesn’t bother to close it off this time as he gets out a beer and starts to take small sips from it as he starts to cry again, looking at the badges and everything that he had that was once his boyfriend’s, he should’ve been there to protect Eren, he should’ve signed up, he shouldn’t have stayed at home living in this lifestyle. He immediately runs to the bathroom, feeling as if he’s about to be sick and finds himself vomiting into the toilet, there was nothing in his stomach so it was mainly bile. He can’t keep doing this to himself, he needs to get over this, he needs to get over this stage of grief and loss, how is he going to move on otherwise? He pulls himself up off of the ground, his legs shaking and feeling light headed as he grabs the bloodstained razor from the sink above him. He then leans himself against the wall across from the cabinets and toilet and rolls his sleeves up, revealing still healing cuts from earlier in the week, he cut each day, each day to take away the pain and make him numb. He feels his eyes tearing up as he realises that he’s become so pathetic ever since Eren died, all he’s done is wallow in self pity and sadness. He starts to cry as he brings the razor down across his wrists again, reopening the cuts in the process and creating new ones, his tears mix with blood and it stains his pants, he needs to wash them, he can’t let them get too dirty, they were a gift from Eren, Eren had bought the whole suit for him. 

_“Levi! You need at least some formal clothes and haven’t you got that university lecture coming up as well?!” Eren says smiling, pulling the older man into a shop, it was small but it had an array of suits and dresses,_

_“I should never have told you that.” Levi grumbles, he didn’t see the need for a suit, wouldn’t it be too fancy for a simple university lecture anyway? Levi’s looking around the shop and Eren’s looking at clothes in a different area, Levi looks and finds a beautiful Black suit, it had white lining inside the jacket, with a simple black tie, the shirt was plain white with a small emblem sewn onto the arm, it was a simple set of wings, one side black completely and the other outlined with black with the simple white shirt acting as the colour inside the black outlines, the pants were a simple black as well, the tie was completely black as well. Eren walks over, a smile on his face as he’s watching his boyfriend look in awe at the suit in front of him,_

_“You found one you like?” Eren asks, smiling, Levi turning around with a small smile on his lips and nods his head as he checks the price tag, his face falls slightly as he realises the price was too expensive, Eren smiles, “Well why don’t you go try it on then?” Levi smiles and nods his head and walks to the change room._

_He looks in the mirror after securing the tie around his neck and smiles, he looked pretty good, the suit looked amazing on him, he hears shuffling from outside, then he hears a knocking on the door, and smiles, it was Eren obviously, he walks out of the change room and sees Eren’s face light up,_

_“No matter the cost, we are getting that suit, you look fucking amazing.” He says, his voice showing that there was no argument._

Levi comes out of the memory, fresh tears making their way out of his eyes and he just cries, sitting there, the blade falling to the ground as he cries,

“I miss you, Eren, I miss you so fucking much.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello again, I forgot to mention this was a series, didn't I? Sorry about that, well I hope you liked it and thanks for the kudos and reads! Tell me if you want me to continue in the comments


End file.
